Depression and Anxiety Explained Para sa mga taong hindi nakaintindi!

Lately I noticed that there are a lot of women falling into the same sickness, Depression and Anxiety and Post Traumatic Stress!

Lalo sa bansang hindi masyado naiitidihan ang ganitong karamdaman, sabi ng iba kaartehan lang, sabi ng ilan asa lahi pero sabi ng karamihan itoy ay totoong sakit na madalas hindi agad nalulunasan.

Because of this I want to share, coz I myself is suffering, struggling and trying to survive this sickness. Para sakin ito ang isa sa pinakamahirap na karamdaman kasi ang kalaban mo ung sarali mong utak.Ung pakiramdam ng malungkot tapos hindi mo alam bakit ka malungkot pero parang sasabog puso and utak mo!

 Daming nagsasabi feeling bless tas ikaw sa utak mo edi sana ALL hindi sana ako ganito.  

·       The feeling of fear, ung feeling mo laging may masamang mangyayari kasi narasanan mo ng ung mga masasaklap na pangyayari sa buhay mo. Hindi ka naman nag drodroga pera taming hinala ka.

I had this is a very young age but since bata pako baka nalulungkot lang.  Ung itchura ko masayahin pero sa loob lagi kang malungkot and feeling mo di ka belong walang nakakagets sa mga naiisip at trip mo. Nung teenager ako Bulimia and Anorexia naman, another mental health problems. Ung sinusuka mo kinakain mo at ayaw mo kumain kasi ayaw mong tumaba.  O tas nauso na emohan! More galit sa mundo and rocknroll nalang!

Minsan may nagsabi sakin, akala ko since may anak kana di kana ganyan! E di Wow! Pag nanganak kaba gagaling na ung sakit mo sa utak? Pregnancy and giving birth can add more to this problem due ot hormone changes in the woman's body. Ung sinasabing "Binat"nun is actually another Mental health problem called "Postpartum".  Kaya ang mga Nanay na ang daming iniisip sa buhay pati anu ulam bukas e mas madalas nagkakaroon ng depression and anxiety. 

So para sa mga babaeng at nanay na nakakaranas ng ganito karamdaman: 

• Wag mong pilitin maintindihan ka ng mga taong nakapaligid sayo. Kahit umiyak kapa ng Dugo hindi ka nila maiitindihan.  Sa paningin ng iba maarte kalang papansin at may attitude problem.
• Wag mo isipin ang situation ang nagdala sayo ng sakit na ito. Hindi po! Kahit mag "sana" kapa parehas lang malulungkot ka rin. Mabago man ang situation pag pumasok ang depression/anxiety andyan parin yan, mararamdaman mo parin.
• Nakakatulong ang Journal or pagsusulat ng nararamdaman mo, kasi para kang may kausap. Kausap mo ung sarili mo kasi pag di ka nila naiitindihan sigurrado ung sarili mo naiintindihan ka.
•  Minsan mas okay pa hindi mo hanapin ang saya. Lalo mong hinahanap lalo kalng na dedesperatong sumaya, lalo kang nalulungkot. Gawin mo lang mga bagay na nakakapag pasaya sayo kasi Kailangan ng Brain mo ng mga good memories. Mag imbak magagandang alaala para pag malungkot may maalala kang masaya. 
• Sa huli, kung di na talaga kaya pa check up ka. Wag ka making sa kanila, Hindi yan kaartehan. Sakit yan na cocontrol ng gamot minsan. 

Wag ka masyado mag isip na baliw ka, madami katulad mo e kahit nga mga Artista. O diba pang artista ang sakit na to. Pera biro, HINDI KA NAG IISA. MAYAMAN O MAHIRAP NAKAKARANAS ng ganitong karamdaman!

Yung tanong sayo ng tao, E bakit kaba nalulungkot e lahat na nga asayo. Totoo naman yan pero wala kaming masasagot sa inyo bakit kami nalungkot. Depression/ Anxiety is a disease! Sana sa mga susunod na henrasyon may mas lunas, may mas panlaban kahit napahirap ng malungkot!

Physically Tired

Today, I am physically tired. This morning it was hard for me to get out of the bed. The whole day I feel like a zombie doing my job. Work is busy, I like it when I am consumed but I just feel tired. Very tired. 

I am more confident with my work now than few months ago that I felt very dumb! So work I like, it consumes my mind. But today dont know why my energy leverl is too low. 

I was sick for awhile but my cough is all better now, I finished my anti biotics as well.

Now I just want to go home watch tv, sleep early but not possible with the kids. They play play until what hours. But I am happy when I am around my kids.

X

H

Working days I float like a bubble

Working days I am consumed, I can float like a regular bubble. I can feel being part of something, that I can contribute on somethings. Of course I do not like waking up by the alarm clock and the feeling of leaving the kids behind.

Sometimes it is more liberating coz I do not need to think about others, I only think about myself and my work. But I worry sometimes about home. Lately, I will just feel my anxiety kicking in. Like I will get that Bad call again.

I was at work when my sister in law called me that my brother in law is dead and in the morge. It is not the first time I got calls like this. Shocking call that someone is dead or something really bad happened.

It is like a hole in my brain. I guess it's trauma. A black monster that hunts me, makes me afraid of life. Makes me really afraid that something bad will happen again.

Yah working days can make me float a bit.

X
Haze

Better Alone

Today, I am eating lunch alone. I am waiting a theater play in a bit, Sweedy Todd.
Sometimes being alone makes me peaceful. I do not think much of anyone, feels like floating in the black hole. Nothing much matters, just you and your thoughts.

When I was young I do not want to be alone because I am always alone. I feel sad not being with anyone. It's like I needed that warmth from someone. I cannot eat by myself or go somone alone. It felt stupid, it felt lonely.

Now that I am always surrounded people, always! I now seek for my alone time. Like now, I do not need to talk to anyone. I am just writing this which makes me feel like I am talking to myself.

Lunch is good, my favorite Salmon sanwich.

Write later, I am excited about the play.

X
H

Anger too much anger

Today, I feel a bit okay. I am not alone but less people around me. I am trying my best not to be angry or irritated. I am like a ticking bomb, once I get mad I cannot control it. All the negative feelings come in, like a monster being unleashed.

To be honest, I have a lot of hang up as a kid. My mom who I love is one person that can really make me angry and sad. Many things that she will say and do that will make me feel that I am not enough, that she does not love me as much as I can see her Love for others. Is this a normal feeling as a child? I am really not a child anymore but I will always feel that I need my moms Love and when I do not feel it, it makes me so angry and sad.

X
H

Writing my Feelings

Today I decided to write my feelings. Maybe this silent note shall understand what is killing my soul inside. Maybe if I write I will later understand.

I am just thinking, if the person closest to you (by blood) do not seem to know you as YOU then who will know the real you?

What if what you know about yourself is not even YOU.

X
H